A cop movie. Was pretty good. Like an extended episode of Law and Order. However, Pride and Glory takes the 'useless violence' meter in Taken and takes it to a new level. Not as good as Taken. On level with Law and Order. Recommended.
6/10
Saturday, January 31, 2009
17. RocknRolla
Pretty good. Reminded me of Guy Ritchie pre-Madonna. Hopefully they really do make the proposed trilogy. Could get pretty good. Glad to see Ritchie is back.
7/10
If you liked the performance by the "Rocker", check out Dead Man's Shoes. Very bad ass movie.
7/10
If you liked the performance by the "Rocker", check out Dead Man's Shoes. Very bad ass movie.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
16. My Cousin Vinny
Joe Pesci had a bad ass leather jacket.
The Karate Kid was falsely accused of a crime.
Joe Pesci called two young men "the two yoots."
The Karate Kid didnt do any karate.
Everyone has seen this movie. It's okay. So okay that I don't really know what else to say.
6/10
The Karate Kid was falsely accused of a crime.
Joe Pesci called two young men "the two yoots."
The Karate Kid didnt do any karate.
Everyone has seen this movie. It's okay. So okay that I don't really know what else to say.
6/10
15. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
Not really sure what to say about this one. It wasn't great, but it wasnt bad. It was just there, basically. The acting was okay, the gore was pretty good, the plot was alright. Watching Jack rant to his psychiatrist was pretty amusing though. This movie does answer the trivia question: whatever happened to the guy who played Freddy Krueger...
Not good, not bad so it gets...
5/10
The main dude could have a pretty interesting future. Or not.
Not good, not bad so it gets...
5/10
The main dude could have a pretty interesting future. Or not.
14. Wind Chill
My summary of Wind Chill in four pictures.
I don't know what's worse: Wind Chill or American Astronaut. At least American Astronaut was fucking weird on purpose (I think). Wind Chill just sucks sweaty balls.
-32.32/10
A negative point for each minute I watched.
I don't know what's worse: Wind Chill or American Astronaut. At least American Astronaut was fucking weird on purpose (I think). Wind Chill just sucks sweaty balls.
-32.32/10
A negative point for each minute I watched.
13. Silmido
Ka-BOOM! Continuing the Korean movie trend whilst sick and lying on the couch, I decided to watch Silmido, a movie somewhat sorta maybe almost based on a true story about a super secret military unit. Made up of 31 men scheduled to be put to death for their crimes, the unit is formed with one goal: to sneak into North Korea and kill Kim Il-Sung, the "great" leader.
And these 31 guys are put through hell. The training they go through is so horrible, at times death would seem to be a much better option. So why do they keep going? After completing their top secret mission, they will get a heroes return and be allowed back into society. So they put up with getting their asses kicked by their superiors and the guards, being put through all sorts of torturous training, and struggling to learn to work together when the government says, "Oops, our bad guys. We changed our minds. No more mission. And oh yeah, your death sentences are back on."
Naturally, this doesnt sit well with the soldiers in training, who were, after all, put here because they were outcasts from society.
There was a good am
ount of action, as you probably guessed, but the main strength of this movie is the acting. Ahn Sung-ki (who is in every Korean movie ever made) brings his usual good acting as the commander in charge of beating the troops into shape, but the real stars are two of the 31 convicts. Chung Jae-young plays his usual bad-ass-with-an-attitude role to a T. The award for baddest-mofo-on-Earth belongs to Sol Kyung-gu. I swear, everytime he is on the screen, you can just feel the anger eminating from the TV and karate chopping you in the face. He even has the crazy eyes down pat. He makes this movie.9/10
So good so good. Watch it now. Find it on netflix. Search for it on ebay. It's a winner.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
12. The Restless
Hell yes. This movie is the shit. The Restless is a South Korean film that mostly takes place in a heaven-esque place where souls wait to be reincarnated back to Earth. The good news? Everything is white, clean, and clean smelling. The bad news? Demon things have invaded and will stab you. The first scene of the demons invading is pretty bad ass because of the creative special effects. If you are stabbed/cut/killed up there, you basically burn up and disintegrate. Very cool visual. The film's main character was poisoned on earth, but finds himself in this afterlife, but not totally dead.
I could go on and on about the plot, but the main selling point here is the SFX and the action. The special effects are usually really great, with only a few meh moments. On a budget MUCH less than most Hollywood films, it's amazing to see what hard work can accomplish.
The action, however, rips off your balls then feeds them to you. Absolutely amazing and inventive. From Doctor Octopus-like soldiers to a one-versus-thousands showdown, this movie could have easily just tread water. But it doesnt. This is what it felt like when Jackie Chan and Jet Li were cranking out all those classics in the late 80's-early 90's (as opposed to the shit they've churned out since...I'm looking at you Forbidden Kingdom).
The shittiest part is that the Korean film industry is so horrible, there's no telling if we'll ever see anything like this again.
Oh yeah, and the main actress sucks. This movie would easily be up in my all time favorite five if it wasnt for her stinking up the joint every time her ugly mug was on screen. So so horrible.
9.9/10
Take out that chick, and this is an easy 10. As is...try to look past her.
Monday, January 19, 2009
11. Frontier(s)
There appears to be a new wave of cinema coming out of France. France used to be known for its dramas and their deliberate paces (i.e. boring and slow as all hell.) But something has been brewing. Maybe someone spiked the water supply or maybe all the French directors spent too much time watching Takashi Miike films, but whatever the cause, the effect is clear: French filmmakers are fucked up. Along with Haute Tension and Inside, Frontier(s) (which will be spelled as Frontiers from now on because its a pain in the ass to the whole (s) crap) is an ultraviolent gorefest that leaves a trail of dismembered bodies in its wake (literally).
As riots break out across France due to an election, a crew fresh off looting looks to find a way out of the city with their goods. When they arrive at a small, secluded inn in the countryside, they find out that they might have been safer with the rioters and police. What appears to be a quiet country village is really home to a family of neo-Nazis who are looking to continue their family bloodline. By boning. Without consent.
There are more gruesome scenes than you could shake a decapitated head at and, thankfully, it never gets too goofy like Miike's movies. I've seen TONS of movies, but there were still a few 'holy shit' scene sprinkled in here. If you are tired of the cliche, boring, made-for-14 year olds horror movies that Hollywood has been cranking out the past few years, do yourself and see Frontiers.
7/10
One of the neo-Nazis looks like the wrestler Triple H. Yup.
As riots break out across France due to an election, a crew fresh off looting looks to find a way out of the city with their goods. When they arrive at a small, secluded inn in the countryside, they find out that they might have been safer with the rioters and police. What appears to be a quiet country village is really home to a family of neo-Nazis who are looking to continue their family bloodline. By boning. Without consent.
There are more gruesome scenes than you could shake a decapitated head at and, thankfully, it never gets too goofy like Miike's movies. I've seen TONS of movies, but there were still a few 'holy shit' scene sprinkled in here. If you are tired of the cliche, boring, made-for-14 year olds horror movies that Hollywood has been cranking out the past few years, do yourself and see Frontiers.
7/10
One of the neo-Nazis looks like the wrestler Triple H. Yup.
10. Generation Kill
This is technically not a movie, but it's my blog so I'll write about whatever I want to, mofo. A short miniseries that aired on HBO, Generation Kill is an account of one group of soldiers time in Iraq. It's a pretty good look at what kind of BS they have to go through over there, from dodging enemy bullets to their own commanders' terrible judgment. I'm not sure if this is based on real accounts and I'm too lazy to look it up, so I will assume it is and assume that soldiers have a shitload to put up with over there. It really makes you identify with the soldiers and feel for what they are going through. At the same time, you also have to empathize with some of the commanders because they are put into a tough spot where they hold the lives of many men in their hands. Good shit.
No Morgan Freeman or Danny Glover. But there is a guy called Godfather because he has a raspy voice like...the...Godfather. Lots of explosions, lots of death, lots of f-bombs.
7/10
Oh yeah...James Ransone is a star in the making. Between this and The Wire, he chews up every role he's in. Watch out for him.
No Morgan Freeman or Danny Glover. But there is a guy called Godfather because he has a raspy voice like...the...Godfather. Lots of explosions, lots of death, lots of f-bombs.
7/10
Oh yeah...James Ransone is a star in the making. Between this and The Wire, he chews up every role he's in. Watch out for him.
9. Redbelt
Karate man loves karate. Hates everything not karate. Karate man meets rich man. Rich man tries to help karate man. Karate ensues.
Pretty good movie. Not much karate, but when it shows up, it's pretty good. A few of the serious scenes are so poorly acted they are hilarious. Otherwise, meh.
6/10
It's just like The Karate Kid, only it's centered around a guy and his wife. An a police officer. And Tim Allen. And watches. So in a way, it's nothing like Karate Kid.
Pretty good movie. Not much karate, but when it shows up, it's pretty good. A few of the serious scenes are so poorly acted they are hilarious. Otherwise, meh.
6/10
It's just like The Karate Kid, only it's centered around a guy and his wife. An a police officer. And Tim Allen. And watches. So in a way, it's nothing like Karate Kid.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
8. Taken
By now you've seen the previews for this movie all over TV. And you might have asked yourself this question: is the movie as good as the commercials? The answer to that...is no. The movie is FAAAAR better than the previews. My brother recommended the movie and went on and on about how awesome it was. Did I think it would be good? Yes. We have pretty similar tastes in movies. But I was not prepared for how bad ass this movie is. There are so many 'holy shit' moments that make Take one of the best revenge films ever made. Liam Neeson shows up, talks shit, then kicks ass. Easily one of my all time faves. See it as soon as possible. I hope this movie gets the press and acclaim it deserves.
10/10
I can't stress enough how awesome Taken is. Watch it now. Watch it often.
10/10
I can't stress enough how awesome Taken is. Watch it now. Watch it often.
7. Let The Right One In
Ah. Middle school. Who doesn't remember those days fondly? The teasing. The bullying. Being beaten and bloodied. Dreading going to school. That's exactly how Oskar feels. In between being bullied at school and ignored at home, he spends his time plotting revenge and following the developing news of a serial killer targeting young boys. All in all, he lives a sad, lonely, normal life.
That is, until the new neighbors move in. They move in overnight, covering all the windows in their apartment. He meets Eli, a young girl whom Oskar only sees outside of the apartments at night. Eli gives Oskar courage to stand up to his attackers, but is there something more to this seemingly innocent young girl?
This movie has been making the rounds as of late, snatching up awards at various film festivals throughout the world. The movie is a coming of age story, with a dash of horror and suspense. If you get a chance to check this movie out, either in its limited theatrical release or when it comes out on DVD. It takes a bit to develop, but once it gets going, it doesnt let up. Very highly recommended.
Because this movie is from Sweden, there is no Morgan Freeman or Danny Glover. No explosions either, but there is a good bit of horror and gore throughout.
8/10
Check it out for a fresh take on what has become a very stale genre.
That is, until the new neighbors move in. They move in overnight, covering all the windows in their apartment. He meets Eli, a young girl whom Oskar only sees outside of the apartments at night. Eli gives Oskar courage to stand up to his attackers, but is there something more to this seemingly innocent young girl?
This movie has been making the rounds as of late, snatching up awards at various film festivals throughout the world. The movie is a coming of age story, with a dash of horror and suspense. If you get a chance to check this movie out, either in its limited theatrical release or when it comes out on DVD. It takes a bit to develop, but once it gets going, it doesnt let up. Very highly recommended.
Because this movie is from Sweden, there is no Morgan Freeman or Danny Glover. No explosions either, but there is a good bit of horror and gore throughout.
8/10
Check it out for a fresh take on what has become a very stale genre.
6. Slumdog Millionaire
Awesome movie. A young kid from the slums is on the India version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. As he answers question after question, the producers believe he is somehow cheating. As the boy is being questioned/tortured as to how he knew the answers, it begins a series of flashbacks to show how he really knew the answers.
This movie recently won the Golden Globe for Best Movie. Did it deserve it? I don't know. I probably would have voted for The Dark Knight, but as a superhero movie, most people discount it due to genre. That said, Slumdog is still an amazing movie. It takes a few minutes to get used to the accents, but after that it flows nicely with minimal subtitles. Danny Boyle once again shows why he is one of the best directors going today. He released my movie of the year in 2007 (Sunshine) and releases one of the best in 2008 too.
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. Can't remember if there are any explosions.
9/10
Great great movie. An easy recommendation. If you get a chance to see, do so.
This movie recently won the Golden Globe for Best Movie. Did it deserve it? I don't know. I probably would have voted for The Dark Knight, but as a superhero movie, most people discount it due to genre. That said, Slumdog is still an amazing movie. It takes a few minutes to get used to the accents, but after that it flows nicely with minimal subtitles. Danny Boyle once again shows why he is one of the best directors going today. He released my movie of the year in 2007 (Sunshine) and releases one of the best in 2008 too.
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. Can't remember if there are any explosions.
9/10
Great great movie. An easy recommendation. If you get a chance to see, do so.
5. Red
Brian Cox is an old man who loves nothing more than chillin 'round the house and goin' fishin' with his dog. But then three punk ass kids kill his dog and he's on a mission to get an apology and/or some understanding. It looks like Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino without the racism and badassness that is Eastwood. Much like The Wrestler, it's mostly a character study. Unlike The Wrestler, it did have some wtf moments that kept it fresh. Still...it's a slow pace drama and I need to watch something with killing and death to get some testosterone back in my body.
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. No explosions. But there was Tom Sizemore. Debate amongst yourselves if that is a good or bad thing.
5/10
It's slow, but short (an hour and half). There are worst ways to spend your time (see: American Astronaut).
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. No explosions. But there was Tom Sizemore. Debate amongst yourselves if that is a good or bad thing.
5/10
It's slow, but short (an hour and half). There are worst ways to spend your time (see: American Astronaut).
4. The Wrestler
Mickey Rourke is a wrestler, which is where they got the title from. He's super old and broken down, but still keeps trying to wrestle, much like Ric Flair. He does not, however, have the man boobs that Ric Flair was sporting later on in his career. The main purpose of this movie is to just show off that Rourke is an awesome actor (if you didnt already know from Sin City). It's got wrestling, barbwire, tables, a man called Necro Butcher, and titties. If you like any of the above, you will like this movie.
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. No explosions.
Rating: 4/10
It's good if you like character studies. Ultimately, a good performance by Rourke, but a pretty boring movie.
No Morgan Freeman. No Danny Glover. No explosions.
Rating: 4/10
It's good if you like character studies. Ultimately, a good performance by Rourke, but a pretty boring movie.
Monday, January 5, 2009
3. Dreamcatcher
Plot synopsis from Netflix: Four boyhood pals perform a heroic act and are changed by the powers they gain in return. Years later, on a hunting trip in the Maine woods, they're overtaken by a vicious blizzard that harbors an ominous presence. Challenged to stop an alien force, the friends must first prevent the slaughter of innocent civilians by a military vigilante … and then overcome a threat to the bond that unites the four of them.
My thoughts: Shiiiiiiiiiit yeah. This is more like it. This is one of the greatest movies ever created. Rumor has it that a T-Rex in a time machine came from the future (yes, dinosaurs make a comeback) and hand delivered this film to the world in an effort to train us in the event of a full scale exploding alien attack. This is a manly movie and if you drink whiskey whilst watching it, you will grow hair on your knuckles. Just look at the cast: Morgan f'n Freeman (I'm not sure if his middle name is F'n, but I imagine that it is). Tom Sizemore (been convicted several times for drugs and starred in his own porn tape). Thomas Jane (or is it Aaron Eckhart? I think they are the same person). Timothy Olyphant (my brother's idol). Damien Lewis (the greatest red haired actor ever, he gives David Caruso the middle finger).
Things I Hated: Danny Glover wasn't in it.
Best performance: The New Kids on the Block Walberg was in the movie and plays Duddits. I always thought he looked kind of slow and he fit into his role well. But not well enough that you won't start singing "Hanging Tough" every time he shows up.
Explosions: A lot. Aliens explode. Bombs drop. It's bad ass.
Morgan Freeman/Danny Glover sightings: One. Morgan f'n Freeman is in this movie. He shows up to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and he's all out of bubble gum.
Deaths on screen: A lot. Aliens. People. Animals. Minerals. Plasma. Keith Brooking (I wish)
Quotes:
Pete: Bingo... Did you say bingo like the game in church basements?
Beaver: Well there's trim there.
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: Wait, Jonesy...
Gary 'Jonesy' Jones: Yeah, Beav?
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: You be careful.
Gary 'Jonesy' Jones: Be careful of what?
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: Wish I knew.
(See what I did there? I used a cliffhanger quote to get you interested in the movie. Now you'll watch it. Suck it.)
People Who Would Like This: Everyone. I am currently putting forth a proposition that this movie should be required viewing for all 5th grade students in the United States.
Rating: 10/10
(There are so many inside jokes in this movie that they dont even bother to go back and explain. And the movie still rocks. SSDD)
My thoughts: Shiiiiiiiiiit yeah. This is more like it. This is one of the greatest movies ever created. Rumor has it that a T-Rex in a time machine came from the future (yes, dinosaurs make a comeback) and hand delivered this film to the world in an effort to train us in the event of a full scale exploding alien attack. This is a manly movie and if you drink whiskey whilst watching it, you will grow hair on your knuckles. Just look at the cast: Morgan f'n Freeman (I'm not sure if his middle name is F'n, but I imagine that it is). Tom Sizemore (been convicted several times for drugs and starred in his own porn tape). Thomas Jane (or is it Aaron Eckhart? I think they are the same person). Timothy Olyphant (my brother's idol). Damien Lewis (the greatest red haired actor ever, he gives David Caruso the middle finger).
Things I Hated: Danny Glover wasn't in it.
Best performance: The New Kids on the Block Walberg was in the movie and plays Duddits. I always thought he looked kind of slow and he fit into his role well. But not well enough that you won't start singing "Hanging Tough" every time he shows up.
Explosions: A lot. Aliens explode. Bombs drop. It's bad ass.
Morgan Freeman/Danny Glover sightings: One. Morgan f'n Freeman is in this movie. He shows up to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and he's all out of bubble gum.
Deaths on screen: A lot. Aliens. People. Animals. Minerals. Plasma. Keith Brooking (I wish)
Quotes:
Pete: Bingo... Did you say bingo like the game in church basements?
Beaver: Well there's trim there.
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: Wait, Jonesy...
Gary 'Jonesy' Jones: Yeah, Beav?
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: You be careful.
Gary 'Jonesy' Jones: Be careful of what?
Joe 'Beaver' Clarendon: Wish I knew.
(See what I did there? I used a cliffhanger quote to get you interested in the movie. Now you'll watch it. Suck it.)
People Who Would Like This: Everyone. I am currently putting forth a proposition that this movie should be required viewing for all 5th grade students in the United States.
Rating: 10/10
(There are so many inside jokes in this movie that they dont even bother to go back and explain. And the movie still rocks. SSDD)
Friday, January 2, 2009
2. The American Astronaut
Plot synopsis from Netflix: Alternative rock group The Billy Nayer Show stars in this surreal space-Western musical about the adventures of interplanetary trader Samuel Curtis (Cory McAbee). Curtis planet-hops, trading one bizarre creature for another (including the Real Live Girl for The Boy Who Actually Saw a Woman's Breast), all the while being chased by Professor Hess (Rocco Sisto), a maniac obsessed with apologizing to Curtis and then killing him.
My thoughts: Fucking terrible. I kept hearing how this movie was soooo fn good, so I think "Hey...so many people like it. It can't be THAT bad, can it?" It can. I hate this movie so much that I hope whoever was involved with it at any point gets herpes. The fact that someone at some point thought this was a good idea depresses me. There were so many points at which some person, actor, director, or producer, could have stepped in and said, "Hey guys, this movie makes no sense at all." But they didnt, and for that they should be forced to watch this shit at gunpoint. The only positive in this situation was that I didn't pay money to rent it. On the negative side, I'll never get the 20 minutes I invested in this steaming pile of horse shit back.
Things I Hated: See above. I began to hate humanity after watching this movie. My only hope is that the world ends before a sequel is ever written. The cock to nipples ratio was also horrible in this movie because I felt my mind was being raped whereas no nips were being exposed. Inexcusable.
Best performance: My DVR for skipping around at one point. It was trying to send me a message.
Explosions: One. My head for wondering how shit like this gets made but there's no sequel to Equilibrium.
Morgan Freeman sightings: None. Not even Danny Glover would be in this shit.
Deaths on screen: Whoever was in this movie. Their careers died a little more every moment it was on.
Quotes:
Old Man: Hey. Is it just me, or do my balls itch?
Samuel Curtis: I think it's you.
Old Man: Good. For a minute, I thought my balls itched.
Yes that is an actual quote. Someone wrote that and was given money to make this film. Just think about that.
People Who Would Like This: indie hipsters, elitists, gays, your momma.
Rating: -10/10
(Fuck everyone involved with this movie and fuck Sundance Channel for showing this. You showed A Bittersweet Life, the best movie ever made, on your channel. Then you show this?)
My thoughts: Fucking terrible. I kept hearing how this movie was soooo fn good, so I think "Hey...so many people like it. It can't be THAT bad, can it?" It can. I hate this movie so much that I hope whoever was involved with it at any point gets herpes. The fact that someone at some point thought this was a good idea depresses me. There were so many points at which some person, actor, director, or producer, could have stepped in and said, "Hey guys, this movie makes no sense at all." But they didnt, and for that they should be forced to watch this shit at gunpoint. The only positive in this situation was that I didn't pay money to rent it. On the negative side, I'll never get the 20 minutes I invested in this steaming pile of horse shit back.
Things I Hated: See above. I began to hate humanity after watching this movie. My only hope is that the world ends before a sequel is ever written. The cock to nipples ratio was also horrible in this movie because I felt my mind was being raped whereas no nips were being exposed. Inexcusable.
Best performance: My DVR for skipping around at one point. It was trying to send me a message.
Explosions: One. My head for wondering how shit like this gets made but there's no sequel to Equilibrium.
Morgan Freeman sightings: None. Not even Danny Glover would be in this shit.
Deaths on screen: Whoever was in this movie. Their careers died a little more every moment it was on.
Quotes:
Old Man: Hey. Is it just me, or do my balls itch?
Samuel Curtis: I think it's you.
Old Man: Good. For a minute, I thought my balls itched.
Yes that is an actual quote. Someone wrote that and was given money to make this film. Just think about that.
People Who Would Like This: indie hipsters, elitists, gays, your momma.
Rating: -10/10
(Fuck everyone involved with this movie and fuck Sundance Channel for showing this. You showed A Bittersweet Life, the best movie ever made, on your channel. Then you show this?)
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Plot synopsis from IMDB.com:Peter is a composer and a likable sad sack who's devastated when his girlfriend of five years, Sarah Marshall, the star of a cheesy CSI-style crime show, dumps him. He weeps, he rails, he mopes. Finally, his step-brother Brian suggests Hawaii, so Peter heads for a resort on Oahu where, as he's checking in, he sees Sarah and her new beau, Aldous, a polymorphously perverse English rocker. The weeping and moping starts again, until Peter is rescued by Rachel, a thoughtful hotel clerk who invites him to a luau and to hang out. Although he constantly runs into Sarah and Aldous, Peter starts to come alive again. Will Sarah realize what she's lost, and what about Rachel?
My thoughts: Good movie. Funny. This movie has something for everyone. Penis. Dracula musicals. A song about being inside of a woman. The fat kid who is in EVERY MOVIE EVER. And one of the Baldwin brothers. All it's missing is Morgan Freeman/Danny Glover.
Things I Hated: The nipples to cock ratio is very skewed in this movie. In layman's terms, there be a shit load of wang up in this bitch.
Best performance: Russell Brand. I had never heard of him before, but he definitely stole many scenes as Aldous the rockstar.
Explosions: None.
Morgan Freeman sightings: None.
Deaths on screen: None.
Quotes:
1. When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.
2. Dwayne the Bartender: He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!
3. Kemo: Dwayne told me. Chuck told me. Even Rachel told me. I heard about it from everybody. You gotta stop talking about it. It's like "the Sopranos." It's *over*. Find a new show.
People Who Would Like This Movie: anyone who likes to laugh or look at non-porno cock.
Rating: 6/10 I liked it.
(By the way...wtf does polymorphously mean and why would someone use it in a summary of a comedy movie about Dracula musicals and penis?)
My thoughts: Good movie. Funny. This movie has something for everyone. Penis. Dracula musicals. A song about being inside of a woman. The fat kid who is in EVERY MOVIE EVER. And one of the Baldwin brothers. All it's missing is Morgan Freeman/Danny Glover.
Things I Hated: The nipples to cock ratio is very skewed in this movie. In layman's terms, there be a shit load of wang up in this bitch.
Best performance: Russell Brand. I had never heard of him before, but he definitely stole many scenes as Aldous the rockstar.
Explosions: None.
Morgan Freeman sightings: None.
Deaths on screen: None.
Quotes:
1. When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.
2. Dwayne the Bartender: He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!
3. Kemo: Dwayne told me. Chuck told me. Even Rachel told me. I heard about it from everybody. You gotta stop talking about it. It's like "the Sopranos." It's *over*. Find a new show.
People Who Would Like This Movie: anyone who likes to laugh or look at non-porno cock.
Rating: 6/10 I liked it.
(By the way...wtf does polymorphously mean and why would someone use it in a summary of a comedy movie about Dracula musicals and penis?)
Why?
My New Year's resolution was to write something, anything every day during 2009. This will be an outlet for some of my writing. I plan to review every movie I watch this year. Some will be long, some will be short. Some will be of new movies, some of older movies. Hell, some might not even be of movies. Who knows. But enjoy and feel free to comment and your own comments to the reviews.
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